“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. caring for myself is an act of SURVIVAL.” – Audre Lorde
When the new year began I was ready for this year. I was ready to see what 2015 had to offer me, and what I had to offer it. My over-arching resolution this year is to live intentionally – to make the moments matter.
I don’t know how your year has been in these three short months, but mine has been very hard. I have seen a lot of death and a lot of hurt. I have watched friends slip out of my life and others slip into major trouble. I have felt loss and I have felt very alone.
Sometimes when I’m in that place I am tempted to believe that this is all I have to offer anyone – a small, broken piece of what was supposed to be bold and beautiful. I’m afraid to rest while in that place. I tell myself it’s because others have it worse and I’m not the only one who is hurting here so I should spend my time giving and giving. If I am honest, I think sometimes I am afraid to rest in that place because I am terrified that this will be where my story stops. This is not where my story ends. This is not where your story ends.
Taking time to care for yourself is not a selfish thing. Sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes it feels like it will make no impact. But it does. Taking the time to acknowledge that you are worthy of love and worthy of recovery is not selfish – it is necessary. I thought that after three months I had broken my promise to 2015. I thought that I had failed to be intentional because the hard moments in life had overwhelmed me. It’s not a failure to be overwhelmed. I have started to intentionally take time to take care of myself. I am learning to rock climb. I am taking time to create. I am turning my phone off and connecting with people face to face.
I am keeping my year’s resolution in a way I did not expect. I hope you can find a way to tweak and keep your resolution – whatever it may be. I hope you know it’s okay if you are not doing well this year. I hope you know that sometimes the bravest thing you can do in life is take care of yourself and tell others that you need help.